Illusions

You stand there crumbling everything around me

Weakening my defenses as you walk into the room

My heartbeat rapidly increases as I realize

You’re going to ask for something I’m not fully willing to give

But would give willingly because you asked for it

My shoulders shake as I weep uncontrollably

As you tell me you won’t do it again

You tell me you love me and nothing would ever change that

Deep down inside me, I wonder if anything you say is true

It was easier to believe it back then when the relationship had just begun

An uninvited question crosses my mind

‘How long can we continue in this illusion of a relationship?’

I shiver because I don’t know what tomorrow holds

Yet I hold onto you desperately praying it wouldn’t hold the pain of betrayal

And your eyes would never stray

You touch me and everything melts within me

You hold me in ways no one has ever held me before

I continue to cry, wishing I wasn’t so hopelessly in love with you

Wishing I could walk away from you without a sick feeling of loneliness and emptiness

My mind tells me this is all an illusion

‘He can’t be with you forever; he’ll soon move onto the next girl

You can’t possibly hold on much longer’

I know I should walk away but my legs can’t move an inch

My heart can’t handle this onslaught on its emotions

I try to imagine life without you

Without your smile to experience; without your hands to hold me

It seems so dull and dreary

I’ve been in this relationship for so long I can’t find myself anymore

I can only see me through your eyes

But this illusion will end one day and I will be forced to walk away

Rather than wait for that day to come, I will look deep within me

And get the courage to walk away from you and find myself again

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